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Old 03-05-2011, 05:32 AM
polymono polymono is offline
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 11

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
11. perhaps there are several types of poly but the two that stand out the most are:

the single minded, if not single in relationship status people that are able to incorporate several people into their lives casually as far as time goes, but not necessarily in depth. I find it hard to believe that for the long term depth in relationship can be maintained in this kind of relationship, but apparently long term is not always the objective. "Depth" is in the eye of the ones in the relationship. It's not for me to determine, as I am not in it. So therefore I can have an opinion, but it is mute.

Sometimes the thrill of NRE is the objective in this type of relationship or an arrangement of "self" centered comfort .... These folks tend to not have kids or marriages, at least if they do they seem to find themselves in trouble as this kind of mindset is "self" centered... not in the negative sense, but in terms of lifestyle. No kids, no marriage=freedom to come and go as one pleases so to speak.

The second large group of poly people seems to be those that are married/committed/common law etc.. or involved with married people (or the like) who have a responsibility to the sanction of family in a more traditional sense. These people tend to have a primary partner as they have kids to think about and larger responsibilities than themselves. Other partners are incorporated slowly and the family unit incorporated into the other partners life also... or, not at all and the relationship is more of a open marriage concept or don't ask don't tell concept.

There is no right or wrong way of doing things in terms of poly relationship style, but it seems ultra important to know what someones style is and communicate how to merge the two... otherwise assumptions and expectations arise and people get hurt needlessly...
I'm in a mono/poly relationship which I'm struggling with. I'm the mono. When I started reading about poly I rapidly understood that poly was just a word and that everyone applies it in the way it works best for them. I'm realizing know that I might be involved with, what you refer to as, a 'single minded' poly partner. I'm not sure tho, but it looks like it as I cannot get to that point where I feel that deep connection that I'm looking for. It's there sometimes, but it gets less as the days are passing. Despite my will to communicate about it, she says I'm complicating things and that she is afraid that in the future she might not be able to give me the attention I'm looking for. Thanks for clarifying this one!
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