The thing is, if you were TRULY #1, she'd be making some significant changes in her life to make that so... or she might have made some efforts to have met you or integrated you into her life somehow, in a way more than online.
I think that you need to meet her, meet her husband... or at least TALK to either/both on the phone.
Have you ever even video chatted or skyped or whatever with her in TEN years?!? How old are her kids now? Etc etc...