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Old 03-05-2011, 03:35 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Maybe she isn't really doing badly in her marriage, she isn't poly but cheating with you and she is cheating with someone else also, hence disappearing on you.
Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
Never a one to miss an opportunity to lead a thread off-topic, I caught on this immediately. So an online -only long-distance relationship with no physical side whatsoever is cheating, too?

I'm asking because with poly being all about openness, is there a limit to how open a couple wants to become? Do you tell about every crush you have on someone, whether and especially if you have no intention to act on it? About every person you find attractive? In poly, is there such a thing as privacy?

I have been in monopractical relationships only and have openly communicated whenever I had the teeniest-tweeniest crush on someone else, and was warmly thanked for over-sharing. I was questioned why, if I had no intention of pursuing a physical relationship with these individuals, I had to make my feelings known. Well, because I want to be honest and open.

I guess this is different for every couple, but how I would describe the relationship between the original poster and his love is romantic friendship, not an affair. So, do you always and immediately want to know about any and all feelings your partner might be developing for someone else?
I think if you are poly or open there is no reason not to say whatever you want to someone else about your crush on them. Provided it is within the bounds of your relationship... the thing with Redcrows woman here is that he has not talked to her husband and does not know if she is cheating. So therefore, if the husband is assuming monogamy then she is, in fact cheating. As far as I am concerned.

Originally Posted by Redcrow75 View Post
the "poly" lifestyle/perspective is definitely new to me and difficult to digest. And communication recently becoming so difficult with her isn't fucking helping matters. Nope, not at all. Unfortunately I responded to her news with proabably the worst possible statement: "I don't share!"
Ooh shit, that didn't go over well.
She is married and has kids, you have not spoken to her husband, she is not divorced and on her own... she is living with him and has kids with him and he has not indicated that he is not with her... she might be unhappy, but that does not say anything about what is going on for him..... find out before assuming that she is yours and making comments like "I don't share" ... you are sharing.

You might be the boyfriend, but you are secondary.... very secondary by the sounds of it. Her concern is her husband and her kids... not you.
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