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Old 03-04-2011, 05:36 PM
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DrunkenPorcupine DrunkenPorcupine is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 175

My first thought was "Oh no". Here's why.

What problems may come of it?
For me, realizing I was poly was a very individual thing. I knew it LONG before I began having non-monogamous relationships, but I was married and it hadn't been on the table.

What really sparked it for me was being true to myself. "I need this" or "I value these opportunities". It wasn't that I had a "safe place" - my home and social networks had, were and are safe. It was about being real with myself. The reason I was "in the closet" had nothing to do with the world around me, it was a matter of that internal dialogue.

Since establishing that I am poly, I make my relationship with myself first and foremost. I can't contribute to a relationship if I don't feel positive and worthy. My second priority is the respect and care of my partners. "Respect" means a lot of different things to different people. To respect my partner means I need to know them, share with them, learn from them. Everyone has boundaries but those boundaries are highly individual.

To me, EVERYTHING about poly is individualist in nature. My relationship with myself, my relationship with others, theirs with me. The synergy, of individuals working in concert, is AMAZING and SPECIAL to me. Ignoring the individual would lessen all of that for me.

So when I see the "Poly Leadership Summit" and "national coming out day", that seems like trying to build a "culture". And admittedly, we sort of have that (we do have out own lingo!).

I have no problem with pride. I certainly want people to feel comfortable being themselves. I DO have a problem however, when it becomes "a movement" or "a group". There's something about that seems... cheap to me.

The practical issues I have with that stem from that concept. I'm an anarchist who ALSO happens to be a political activist. I have NO problem with people grouping or labelling me either positively or negatively. But people WILL group and label and the easier it is for them to group and make assumptions about people, the easier that's going to get.

And aren't the reasons that SOME people feel uncomfortable being openly positive stem from the assumptions they think people have about it?

I've got a pretty vibrant, diverse, active poly community around me. We're all quite open about it and more people are admitting they're curious to see if that would work for them. People who know it's not are asking questions and enjoying listening into the conversations about poly dynamics. The reason we've built this is because we're all unique and individual.

First and foremost we're people. We present ourselves as people. We just also happen to be poly. I don't think we'd get the same reaction from the people around us if the FIRST thing that inspired them to notice us was "we're poly, oh, and we have lives too".
Connection is the path to passion. Passion is not the path to connection.
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