Wow, I took a nap and reread everything, and let me get this right, RedCrow; the hubby doesn't know that you exists at all? So for the last ten years, he's had no idea of this double online life your lover has been leading?that isn't it...lol see, I get over-emotional and leave out gigantic details...
I shall clarify:
she has been expressing unhappiness in her marriage pretty much the whole time I've known her....to her I am (was?) the knight in shining armour, the way things "should" be, the romantic solution..I hesitate to use a word as dismissive as "escape" because its soooo much more than that, but..
her husband knows about me, and according to her he knows she and I are extremely close, and if they are ever truly solidly apart I'm going to be the one to benefit..but beyond that I don't know what is said.
I'm happy to hear that your love has nourished and sustained you for ten years and is still going strong. However, it reads as if your lover is no longer (if she ever was) available to you in the way you would wish her to be.It has indeed nourished, and I hope it remains as such nomatter what happens...she has valid and understandable reasons for not being around much, but that doesn't always help....what's worse is now she IS around and online, but I never hear from her...I have to admit, that shit STINGS!
The sudden disappearances do speak either of another relationship or that she and hubby are sorting their stuff out. Either she has already been caught with you or is very close to getting caught, and is becoming more careful. Her coming out to you as polyamorous might be an interlude to her honestly wanting to end what must be an exhausting double life and get the two (or more?) men in her life together to start again. It might also speak of an incredibly long and painful break up to come.all of these things are possibilities, but im trusting her to tell me if things like that are going on...so I guess I'm in denial, or I'm stupid, or maybe she actually is pure of heart and intention