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Old 03-04-2011, 03:04 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Hey Ms Zen

Ok - maybe time to slow down the mental chatter and do a reality check....

Originally Posted by ZenJello View Post
He is now interested in a girl, who I find myself extremely attracted to, but also who I see as a potential great close friend. I seem to be having a huge problem with him wanting her now that I am starting to get to know her better.
Ok - maybe old past history and programming wants you to eventually look at everything as a "competition".


Unless you want to make it that way. Totally your choice. You see potential in her - you can choose to to view it that way (much more positive) and proceed accordingly. It will be what YOU make it hun.

Originally Posted by ZenJello View Post

I know a lot of it has to do with insecurities surrounding me and how I perceive myself, but at the same time there is a fear that if he were to start this relationship, I am going to lose out one way or the other or both. I feel like either going to lose her as a friend or I'm going to lose time with him because she is this great amazing fun being and that newness is going to be where he will want to put his time and energy.
Ok - your choice of words leads to your feelings
You can CHOOSE to 'lose' time - or SHARE time. Words have power. Choose carefully. Reality is we have to balance time sharing all the time anyway. May as well get used to it now. Don't mean that to sound trite but negative thinking can have negative results.
And WHY would you lose her as a friend ? How is it that we 'lose' friends ? Usually by making things into a competition/confrontation. The alternative is to come together on something you SHARE. Connect with that. Another choice.

Originally Posted by ZenJello View Post
......... I know I can be friendly to her, but not her friend. Everytime she is around, even when its just her and he isn't there, I have jealousy rising up in my body and this overwhelming fear.
And WHY is it you can't be her friend ? You don't like her ? She has bad habits ? Bad friends ? Bad lifestyle ?
What do you value in a friend ? Does she have any of those characteristics ?

As you'll read here and other places a lot, jealousy is a natural emotion - especially in the current materialistic, selfish culture. But in the end it's something you DO have control over. You simply acknowledge the bad feeling you get from it, connect with the fact that it's a NEGATIVE part of you and refuse to embrace it. Banish it. In the beginning it's a bit of a challenge but the more you do it the easier it gets. It's not something we want to carry forward as part of our life if we want to be secure, confident and happy. it would be like carrying forward a jar of nasty cold virus. Don't think you'd do that. Suggest you don't carry the jealousy forward either.

You can do this

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