Originally Posted by FlameKat
I want to go another tack here...
is it possible their is some dual jealousy happening here? jealous of both of them? is there a possibility that a triad could form out of this?
We have discussed this and he is fully open to it, probably more interested in the idea than I am. I just don't know if that is something I would want. I struggle with dating women because I often value the friendship more than the sex. I don't think the is jealousy surrounding that.
A lot of it is self-esteem based. I see her as this amazing goddess and compare myself to her (which I know I shouldn't but can't help it). I also struggle with the fact that he and I were friends first, so I guess I feel that we don't really have a lot of that new relationship energy (although there are some days we can't keep our hands off each other). We've always been super comfortable with each other. Since my close knit group is the same as his and she has started to become close with some of them, I guess I worry about inclusion with them as well(like if a friend is having a party and they go, instead of me and him...I am not sure I would want to be there in that situation). I feel like there is this whole snowball effect in the fear of her replacing me.
I just worry that since they aren't friends, don't hang out regularly, that this relationship will be so exciting for him that he will want to put his time and energy into her. That when he is with me, he will want to be spending that time with her. I guess that is my biggest fear...to be with him and to feel like he isn't present in our relationship. There are other issues surrounding this already that we have talked about and he is working on, but sometimes I don't feel like he is always present in our moments.
I'm pretty aware of what my fears are, just not great at understanding how to deal and overcome them. But I think I'm going to take redpepper and Mahogany advice. Time and baby steps to get me through this.