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Old 03-04-2011, 11:53 AM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mahogany View Post
I want my monogamy back...but I like her and I don't want her out of MY life completely....this is so weird. This is how I feel genuinely on my own about my husband's secondary. She is very loving to me, very caring, very giving.
It's not weird. Read up on compersion, a neo-term coined to describe the opposite feeling to jealousy.

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Originally Posted by Mahogany View Post
I like this a lot, and am comfortable with this.....we have had sex together the 3 of us (I hope I don't offend anyone by stating that)
People here are not famous for their judgmental attitudes towards group sex.

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Originally Posted by Mahogany View Post
I get jealous at times when they show affection to each other, but at other times it doesn't bother me at all....
Jealous for him, for her, or both?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mahogany View Post
When she is around me I feel good, and I feel loving and companionship and happiness and a strong connection with her. But when she is away I dread her return We have argued twice regarding our feelings, etc. But we have managed to re-connect despite it.
Sounds like you talk. Talk more. Explain why you have these conflicting feelings about her. She might be going through the same thing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mahogany View Post
If I can grow and heal, I can see the benefits and happiness in it. Sometimes (when I think of her) I just want to hug her, and greet her with a kiss (not like a girlfriend, but like a sister).....but there is a part of me that gets so mad and hurt by her presence.

I feel love for her in her absence, but in her presence I feel hate (sometimes)...
It sounds like ambivalence. From the psychology I've read, normal healthy relationships involve ambivalent emotions. You have a lot of unresolved issues with her and your husband, you're hurting, and still, you don't hate her as a person, and don't really believe she is evil through and through. Wham! Ambivalence.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mahogany View Post
If this is all true then why do I hurt???
Because you have been wronged, your life and what you imagined it to be have been turned upside down basically overnight, the two people who did this to you are happy to be able to be together openly at last and have a hard time sympathizing with you... Just a few suggestions.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mahogany View Post
Does it sound like I CAN do this and I just need time to adjust???? Or should I run for the hills???
Nobody can and more importantly, nobody has the right to tell if you can do this or not. Whatever you do, you do it for yourself, and need to face the consequences. In your situation, there are no easy choices, but it's still all very new, I think.
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