Originally Posted by redpepper
Maybe she isn't really doing badly in her marriage, she isn't poly but cheating with you and she is cheating with someone else also, hence disappearing on you.
Never a one to miss an opportunity to lead a thread off-topic, I caught on this immediately. So an online -only long-distance relationship with no physical side whatsoever is cheating, too?
I'm asking because with poly being all about openness, is there a limit to how open a couple wants to become? Do you tell about every crush you have on someone, whether and especially if you have no intention to act on it? About every person you find attractive? In poly, is there such a thing as privacy?
I have been in monopractical relationships only and have openly communicated whenever I had the teeniest-tweeniest crush on someone else, and was warmly
thanked for over-sharing. I was questioned why, if I had no intention of pursuing a physical relationship with these individuals, I had to make my feelings known. Well, because I want to be honest and open.
I guess this is different for every couple, but how I would describe the relationship between the original poster and his love is romantic friendship, not an affair. So, do you always and immediately want to know about any and all feelings your partner might be developing for someone else?
Back to the original post;
Wow, I took a nap and reread everything, and let me get this right, RedCrow; the hubby doesn't know that you exists at all? So for the last ten years, he's had no idea of this double online life your lover has been leading?
I'm happy to hear that your love has nourished and sustained you for ten years and is still going strong. However, it reads as if your lover is no longer (if she ever was) available to you in the way you would wish her to be. She is pitching curveballs at you, and you keep missing. The sudden disappearances do speak either of another relationship or that she and hubby are sorting their stuff out. Either she has already been caught with you or is very close to getting caught, and is becoming more careful. Her coming out to you as polyamorous might be an interlude to her honestly wanting to end what must be an exhausting double life and get the two (or more?) men in her life together to start again. It might also speak of an incredibly long and painful break up to come. Take care of yourself! You only have one heart to spare.