Originally Posted by Penny
The way I see it, she tried to jump in the deep end before she'd learned to swim. Her first experience was frightening and overwhelming, as near-drowning experiences tend to be. Now she has the additional burden of overcoming that, as well as still needing to learn to keep aloft in poly's sometimes turbulent seas.
I think she is very brave to keep trying.
I think you really hit it there Penny. I had some positive feelings during the experience, like NRE with the man I was considering becoming involved with. But the other negative feelings overwhelmed me.
I read your story here
. I was wondering if your husband has found someone yet? If so has that triggered some new emotions in you? I know, probably selfishly, that I have a difficult time thinking about my husband being with someone other than me, sharing intimacy that I feel should only be shared with me, but yet I seemed to have some positive feelings and excitement thinking about myself being with another man when we were trying poly. I don't know, maybe I like the idea of being "Queen Bee". But I have guilt feelings surrounding that, because I believe in balance and fairness as well. My husband should have the right to enjoy what I am enjoying, but jealousy (my husband does not like that word, so I have defined jealousy in myself as a combination of anger and fear) overwhelms me causing the panic attacks and crying fits.