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Old 03-03-2011, 10:05 AM
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Penny Penny is offline
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It sounds like you two are on a pretty healthy footing. I'd like to jump in on one small point here...

If RitaFire is uncomfortable with the local poly group because she can't identify with the people in it, then I don't think it would be helpful for her to go to their meetings.

This forum is a safe and nurturing place to learn about polyamory. I don't mean to be presumptuous here, presuming to know what she needs, but I do believe she needs to feel safe and nurtured in order to relax and open up. If she is uncomfortable with the local poly group, she will have a much harder time of it.

In a lot of ways, IMO, this experience is like learning to float on your back in the water. You have to relax and let go in order to open up to new experiences. If you are coming into the situation predisposed to a fear of drowning, it's really hard not to panic and thwart your own best efforts to learn.

The people in these groups can act as hands holding you up in the water until you learn to trust your own buoyancy. If you don't trust those hands, if you aren't comfortable with their touch, then they may be adding another layer of anxiety rather than lending support.

There's an element of intimacy and vulnerability to learning about polyamory. Even if there are things RitaFire could learn from the local poly group, if she can't connect with them or feel comfortable with them then exposing her to them may only increase her anxiety.

The way I see it, she tried to jump in the deep end before she'd learned to swim. Her first experience was frightening and overwhelming, as near-drowning experiences tend to be. Now she has the additional burden of overcoming that, as well as still needing to learn to keep aloft in poly's sometimes turbulent seas.

I think she is very brave to keep trying.
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Hinge of a V relationship with my husband (Thumper) and boyfriend (T-Rex). Also, mother of a 6 y/o girl by my husband.

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