Honestly, I don't know what I'm asking/saying/wanting in all of this.
I suppose a lot of it comes from a lifelong mistrust of most women... which was enhanced by this particular woman's reluctance to meet me and her telling me that she was unsure if she would ever be able to. I think that only enhanced some of my insecurities and feelings and questions of her motives... which really ultimately created a problem both in my head and with me, which caused problems for my husband.
We've been living this lifestyle together for 3 years now, and I've been of the poly mentality my entire adult life... but regardless - I guess the way I was feeling, was that things with them were making me uncomfortable - her being single and new to poly, her reluctance to meet me, and just a couple others things that I'll save you all from the gory details... that really started things off on the wrong foot for me, including some "omissions of information" and some nondisclosure issues between my husband and I... that made for a difficult beginning.
I think, though, that regardless... a huge part of this whole lifestyle is finding the comfort zone and having open communication...and when something tips that balance of comfort, it needs to be discussed.
I'm trying to learn and grow as a person in all of this... so I appreciate your advice, questions, and honesty.