I would try to just gauge if a person by who they are, as an individual, and see if you get along and seem compatible. If one tries to limit prospects to people in a certain situation, it's possible to miss out on someone very right.
That being said, although I'm a solo unattached person and am open to having a poly relationship with a married guy, the idea does intimidate me a bit. I've been corresponding for months with a married poly guy but haven't met him yet, and I realize it's because the idea overwhelms me. I've really only been drawn to single guys. Just seems like too much potential drama to ask for, if I date a married poly person.
But I'm trying not to filter out too much and just let myself respond to the person, not his situation, and acknowledge for myself that dating someone married would be new and weird for me.
I would hope, however, that any potential partner who is married wouldn't judge me by my past relationships, and that he would simply relate to me for my personality and let our interactions and chemistry determine if he wants to be involved.
I would never want to be in a poly relationship with anyone who gives his wife veto power, with the potential to discard me according to his wife's whims or insecurities. Not saying that's what you're doing, but I don't understand your apprehension about your husband finding someone else who would feel an "attachment" to him. Do you only want your husband to find someone to just have sex with him only, but not feel any romance or love or affection for him? That would put her in a position of being sort of a plaything -- where is the consideration and respect for her? You wouldn't be able to control the feelings of anyone he gets involved with, anyway.
Last edited by nycindie; 03-03-2011 at 07:10 AM.