Originally Posted by River
Putting aside all other issues and topics in the initial post, I just have to say that only people who have a serious disconnect in their minds and hearts could segregate sexual connection from emotional connection. The body (or "soma") makes no such distinction. Sexual activity, for healthy people, is an intensely emotionally involved activity. If it isn't, there's a split in the psyche of a pathological nature. That split is now quite common, but it remains a symptom of pathology.
Though many will say that sex has nothing to do with love, that's simply not true. People who say this have no room for nuance or holistic sensitivity. Sex is NEVER mere recreation, on a par with bowling.
Although I largely believe the same thing here, I think this is true for individuals... including me and you River. Still this lady has expressed that she is connected... it's the wife that thinks she and her husband can get off without being close... it seems she is around all the time to ensure they don't get connected. Opps, too late, they are. What makes matters worse is that because she is insisting that she is around all the time, she is creating a situation where both are desperate. Desperation causes inappropriate behaviour... affairs. At least it would be me anyway. Tell me not to do something and I will work harder to get it.
I think patient is all you can be. Drowning the woman in attention and being the sweetest person ever might help... a good guest in someone elses house wins favours and might mean that eventually the husband can talk to her and say, "look sweety, seriously, this is going on because we love each other. She has done what you have asked... isn't it time to cut her some slack?
Personally I would move on and see what happens. You never know, he might be devastated and it might be what moves the situation more to your favour. I think this is more along the lines of what I would do. Drop him an email every day and get about your life... you have no control over this, so why not work on stuff that you do have control over.... your kids will get over it. They are versatile. Really they have nothing to do with it and you are using that as an excuse to stay in this situation.
This woman thinks she has it all tied up in a bow... she doesn't, but that is between them, not you. You just are there to play the waiting game... might as well entertain yourself and do other things while you wait.