Honestly religion is not something that Lobster and I discuss. It is something that interests him greatly (as does politics) while I am the deer in the head lights. I've been baptized, I have loose ideas of my own but it's not something that I'm very involved in at all. I see organized religions as more of a social gathering. We have not attended a church function as a couple in years, and the last time was her mother's church and that was for her and the family rather then ourselves. For him, having grown up Mormon, and being from Utah, this topic is something he can revel in. With that said, he spent years researching, looking for his own little "loophole" to get out. In times of stress, given a chance he will return to the church for comfort. These times are always when he is not home with our family and only when his work allows for it and also provides it.
His family often attempts to guilt him into returning, even blaming me for his disconnect with the church. Our wedding was an issue all in and of itself because I refused to go through the requirements for a Bishop and his family didn't like the idea of the minister at the church I was baptized in or of a friend becoming ordained online. I am comfortable being the scape goat for Lobster. If his family chooses to blame someone I would rather it be me as they can't get in my head the way they do his. Distance has greatly helped this as we no longer attend events for our nephews and holidays and such but it's still there. When our oldest turn 8 (the age when Mormons baptize their children) the pressure from his dad was horrible! No conversation I had with that man ever went without some dig at our daughter's soul. Even now years after we have been married, I get the "If you only understood the importance of a temple marriage.." speech. In particularly frustrated moods I have been known to throw back "Maybe I don't want to be with him for eternity. Maybe I want to be a cougar and find some hot young thing to be with when I'm about 200" or something to that affect.
In finding poly, Lobster has said many times that he feels more connected to the acceptance and open honesty that comes with the life then he ever did with the religion he was raised in. It provides for a much better environment. Ever glimmer of understanding and acceptance that he has, is followed by his mother's voice and a guilt trip that lends itself right into feelings of insecurity.
I don't think that I'm being entirely clear on things but I'm at a loss as to how to better explain myself. I don't want to change him, rather allow him to find a way to allow the option of there being something not socially accepted by the church.
“Love is a force that connects us to every strand of the universe, an unconditional state that characterizes human nature, a form of knowledge that is always there for us if only we can open ourselves to it”