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Old 03-02-2011, 11:37 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
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***Disclaimer: this isn't a post about poly***

But rather about friendship and acquaintanceship. I think I've been noticing it more recently because of the book on female aggression being below the radar but, for the most part, women really don't know how to talk to each other directly about negative emotions. We have been conditioned to always be "nice" to everyone. In the long run I think it's to our detriment.

I (and a lot of other women) let things fester in a friendship because what made us angry shouldn't be a big deal or wasn't on purpose ect. The problem with reacting like that is that the pressure builds and one day it just all comes out in a less than productive way.

Personally I'd much rather that people are direct with me if I'm doing or have said something that has offended them. That way I can change or explain the behaviour. But at the same time I'm unable (for lack of a better word) to approach others in the same way. Instead I do my best to be "nice" and to form my words and sentences in such a way as to not hurt anyone's feelings. Because things aren't said directly I've been accused of lying to people before when I simply wasn't blunt enough with what I said.

I guess being aware of this trait is a first step to overcoming it. I'm not sure what the next step is though...how does one get from "nice" to "honest' with friends? I find that it's less of a problem in relationships because I have more trust that my honest emotions won't lead to the loss of the relationship, whereas with friends, who knows?
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