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Old 03-02-2011, 10:51 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
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Originally Posted by Crunchymama View Post
monogamy is a sacrifice I am willing to make to complete my puzzle. I have tried dating other men and realize that it's pointless because he holds my heart in his hands. Her disdain for me hurts because I would like to be friends with her. However, lately I feel so much bitterness for her because she is taking away something that was beautiful and loving and replacing it with anger, jealousy, and negativity.

Is she taking something away from you...or denying you something that was never truly yours?

You say that you would sacrifice monogamy for him....are you sure you could take a back seat to the primary relationship he has with his wife? Giving up monogamy (if you are monogamous) is not as easy as some think. Not only do you share your partner but you will also have to deal with all the external stuff...explaining your relationship to friends and family...being judged as either incapable of finding some one for yourself or being a home wrecker. When you are head over heals in New Relationship Energy, nothing can phase you...but when that wears off things can seep back in.
He has already said he will never leave her...that tells you something right there. He has already established you as a permanent secondary in my opinion. He has also expressed a desire to "cheat" on his wife to be with you...which means he is likely capable and willing to cheat on you with others as well. Good for you for not going down the selfish and destructive path of affairs

This is likely not the man who will be the father figure for your children (not that that is what you are looking for); a friend perhaps, but can you learn to channel your love for him in a friendly way?

My biggest points of concern are this:

A - He admits he will never leave his wife
B- He is willing to disrespect his wife and bring you into a world of deceit by engaging in an affair….that is a selfish act; one that hurts you, his wife, and him.

I would consider moving on..creating distance. Let the NRE wear off so that logic can re-surface. There seems to be little health and stability in this relationship.

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

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