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Old 03-02-2011, 08:20 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
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Originally Posted by Beodude123 View Post
. . . any advice of how to let go of the desire to fix, and understand the desire to accept unconditionally?
Beo, I suspect this need to fix things comes up in other areas of your life as well. I'll bet if you take a look at work, family, friendships, you might find that you see challenges as problems to resolve and that possibly, somewhere in you in feels good to be the one to make it all better. Like the knight in shining armor, or a superhero. Being the fixer probably seems to fill a hole you feel inside yourself, and if you weren't with Jen and in this current situation, you would probably feel that way if you were alone or with someone else. Could be that this comes from very old decisions you made as a kid or young man when you saw things happen that looked hurtful to people or to yourself. Now you always want to fix things and this situation brings that out in you, because that's a lens through which you are just used to looking at the world. Step back, and see if that's a pattern of yours. If it is, you can become free of it by becoming aware of it, knowing it will arise because it's a default thought process in you, and then you can just let it play in the background like a radio in the other room, and then be able to respond to life in the moment, not from an old familiar pattern of behavior. We all do this.

If you look at this need of yours to fix things as just a pattern that plays all the time in you, you then can realize that you don't need to give credence to it and then will begin to "get" that Jen's need and desire to expand her love beyond her relationship with you is not a reaction to a shortcoming on your part, or anything that needs fixing.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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