Another good, yet interesting couple of days.
RP, while I do take your advice to heart, I also feel our situation is slightly different (as they all are). J has been a part of our lives for nearly 3 years, and going on 2 months of our journey, which I realize is short in the big picture, but has seemed like a really long time for me as far as being able to express myself and my feelings towards him completely.
That said, he came over last night, my intentions and Drew's understanding was that this was going to be the night that it happened. He was feeling okay, prepared, we discussed it the night before, and again yesterday afternoon. Of course, I had hinted to J, but didn't straight up tell him what I was hoping for!
So after dinner, and the kids were in bed we talked, and snuggled, and things progressed. In the heat of the moment, I said "please tell me you have a condom!" Of course I have never known him not to have one, so it didn't even dawn on me to get some until earlier in the evening. I couldn't really leave and didn't want to lug the kids down to the store just for that so I was like, Nah.. he'll have one. His response was "Wait, What? I didn't expect sex!?"
We contemplated one of us getting dressed and running down to the gas station around the corner to get one, and then he suggested that since we are all in a good place right now, that we wait this time and enjoy the comfort we all have. So we waited.. as hard as it was for me. I immediately texted hubby and said "No sex! You can relax, I repeat, there has been NO sex!!" He laughed and asked what happened so I told him. It ended up being a great moment, and night for me.
J and I seemed to have some extra bonding moments, shared some good laughs and I learned more about his life. I feel like he's been giving it some extra effort this week as well. He says this is all new and different to him, so he has some adjusting to do as well.
So J went to work, and Hubby came home and we snuggled and reflected on the night. This morning he was up early with the kids, so he was a little cranky. When he's tired his thoughts tend to gravitate towards negativity, so he came in the room, and we talked it out some more, as far as his feelings of wanting to be able to meet the needs that I have. Except for me telling him how perfect he is, just the way he is... that I don't expect anything more from him, and I love him dearly.. I don't know how else to help. That the feelings of inadequacy is something that he's going to have to work through on his own... that all I can do is just keep giving him those affirmations.
All in all, I think it's been a good few days.