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Old 03-02-2011, 06:09 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

Originally Posted by RobFire View Post
  1. Trust - There must be an unwavering, absolute trust. Outside of hiding what a gift you bought might be for a loved one, other secrets and things "left unsaid" are seeds of deception that will grow into full blows meltdowns. Trust like this may not feel natural for some, may be hurtful at times, but is very freeing when fully embraced.
  2. Communication - Communicating how you feel about your relationship often, and in depth, is critical. When communication breaks down, little problems become enormous, pain amplifies, and lovers become estranged. Like trust, it may not always be comfortable or nice, but communication is something a healthy couple should demand of themselves.
  3. Commitment - Commitment to the health of the relationship and the happiness of your lover is also critical. I have often said that if it feels like you are bending further, working harder, and contributing more than your partner, you are likely doing just enough. Seeking perfect balance is a fairy tale. Relationships are work, and those that work at it receive wonderful relationships.

My Personal Boundaries - To You It May Not Apply

Some of the things that my wife and I has worked out prior to exploring polyamory are as follows.

We felt that any new partner brought in should also be one that was at a minimum a compatible match for friendship for all partners involved. As an example, it would be critical for me to know and gain some comfort and trust with a new partner my wife might introduce for me to satisfy my protective instincts. The idea that both of us should be comfortable going out with a new partner to have dinner, or go bowling, for instance, should not be a foreign one.

We felt that any new partner should be honest with any other partners they had about dating one of us. Neither of us would want to be a dirty little secret, but more importantly that type of behavior and willingness to betray a loved one would be incompatible with the types of relationships we were seeking to form.

We also felt that if there was a hint of the new partner seeking to cause damage to our core relationship (leave him/her for me), or undermine our relationship in any way, or if one of us felt that the new partner was a threat, that each of us had the obligation to pause or stop dating that person unless those issues were resolved to both of our satisfaction.
I completely concur with your whole post, but these two parts I felt well worth repeating. We have the same "triad" of necessities belief.
we have the same 3 boundaries. There are other boundaries, but those three are KEY.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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