Originally Posted by LovingRadiance
I had an epiphany moment when I realized that polyamorous was what I was.
Then, I had a "getting used to sharing" couple of moments when Maca started seeing other women.
What I found was that the one who met me the same day she first met him (arranged on OKC) and was willing to be upfront and friendly with me from the get-go, left me with few insecurities at all.
In fact, them using our bed and being in our home, her being there for him (with my whole family) at the hospital (I was out of state) when my mom nearly died, etc didn't cause me any issues.
EVEN THOUGH she and I almost never talk, when we do it's ALWAYS friendly, open and caring.
The lady who came across as conniving and controlling... that one created a fury in me that was unmatched by any other but his ex-wife.
I can SO relate! I do NOT like Breathes' former fwb so had problems with them going out together (except for concerts, weddings, etc. since there was no chance for anything more to happen). He had another at one time whom I adored so didn't have a problem with them going out.
As for the OP: for me it was a bit of both. I was comfortable with the IDEA of many loves, his flirting & being flirted with, doing things I don't enjoy. The problem came when sex entered the picture.
The epiphany came when he told me that he CHOSE to come home to me each night after a date. It wasn't because he felt obligated to, it was because he WANTED to!
I still had problems with the former fwb, up to the time he told me there wouldn't be any more sex or BDSM play between them, but they were more because I can't stand her & she scares me, not because of jealousy or anything like that.