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Old 03-02-2011, 12:22 AM
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RitaFire RitaFire is offline
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 19

Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Have you been doing spontaneous things together lately? Have you been DATING each other? Do you have hobbies that don't involve your husband?
We have been trying to do more spontaneous things together. Taking short trips for example.

I do have interests that do not directly involve my husband which he is completely supportive of. I have also found some new friends through my interests. These interests and my friends have been a great source of strength for me. I tend to be introverted, and I have lost many friends to kids, so I have been working on being more social and to build friendships.

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
What stuck out for me was the spontaneity stuff too. I think that working on your core relationship and getting a good foundation would benefit. It sounds like Rita is missing some fun in her relationship life and that would lead to jealousy... not an uncommon thing... that is what usually comes up as much as not having the same amount of time as before...

So, why not plan some fun stuff for the summer together... and Rita's husband; why not surprise her with some fun dates...

When the fall comes, if you have got some good times under your belt and feel bonded and connected again... and know what is important to you about each other, maybe you can talk about it again. Take a sabbatical from poly so to speak.
Sometime during our marriage I made the mistake of giving my husband the impression that I did not want to do spontaneous things. I do tend to be a planner. But when he stopped doing spontaneous things and surprising me, and I saw him get excited about doing these types of things with someone else, I realized what a mistake I had made, and I missed this part of our relationship that was lost. That triggered a lot of feelings in me that were difficult to cope with.

And that is something that I have mentioned to him that I want to focus on us getting in a good place again. But, as he said in his post:

Originally Posted by RobFire View Post
1. I am not asking Rita to engage in any actual poly activity, only to learn more about it as I believe the jump into it was premature and done without enough research to begin with.

Originally Posted by RobFire View Post
the only danger Rita is in in researching poly and gaining a better understanding of it would be knowledge
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