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Old 03-01-2011, 06:35 PM
Idlovetwo Idlovetwo is offline
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 19

Not only it doesn't upset me, Mahogany, actually "listening" to you is almost like listening to my partner, so it helps a lot. You have described exactly how he feels (or how I think he feels). I wish I could allow him to talk. But he is so sad/angry that he doesn't even feel like talking. I keep telling and showing him how much I love him, but I can guess how he feels.

When our relationship started, we didn't think about poly or mono. We had never heard about poly, so, our relationship was supposed to be mono because that was the only option, wasn't it? Monogamy is taken for granted. Now 5 years down the line, I finally get to understand what happens to me. I'm not weird, I'm not a bad person, I'm just poly. Sometimes I wish I wasn't. But it's not something that can be helped. And I can handle all the pain on me, but it's really hard to handle the pain I'm causing.

He seems to think this is something I choose to do, and that I could just be mono if I had more "willpower". Eeek I don't blame him for thinking like that, it's just the way we all have been raised. But it's like thinking a gay person could become straight if they had more "willpower". Or, viceversa!?!

Or, could he become poly if he had willpower? Obviously not. But he says he is mono because he "wants" to be mono. He thinks it's his choice. And, I reckon, this is a deep question. Can one really choose what to "want"? (Does this make sense?) Can one force oneself to be a person one is not? Maybe it can be done, but it will make you unhappy, for sure. And other people around you would be unhappy too.

For the moment, there is no negociating, because he doesn't want any boundaries. Not even talk about it. He just wants me to be mono "again". At times he feels (like you Mahogany) the only possibility is just leaving me. And sometimes I really feel like I could "force myself to be mono" because I don't want him go through all this pain, and because I don't want to lose him. But then I would be just pretending, and I don't think that living a lie is any solution. Also, there is another person I love too, and I don't want to lose him either. Both my men are wonderful and I love them to the max.

How hard is this? And there are not many people out there to talk about it. I'm so glad I found this board (and thanks all for your warm welcome)
Make new lovers, but keep the old.
Those are silver, these are gold.
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