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Old 03-01-2011, 05:51 PM
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RitaFire RitaFire is offline
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Thank you both for your comments and insights.

The thing is, he feels wronged by the whole situation we experienced. That I jumped into it thinking I was ready, but I really was not. He said when we got into it that we would quit at any time either one of us wanted to. And when we did quit it was much more of a struggle for us after than I expected. Actually I really did not know what to expect following this experience. But it has caused a strain.

He wants me to try to right the situation by truly learning what polyamory is. By talking with people involved in it, and understanding it. Only then he feels that I could make a more logical analysis of it. And not be afraid. Kind of like cognitive behavioral therapy I think. I have been trying, but it has been difficult because I am still reeling from the experience we had, and the emotions that it caused. And I also think that we need to repair our relationship first and foremost. Yet I see my husband frustrated and depressed, which makes me feel sad and guilty. I am trying to grasp it all as fast as I can. But he feels that I am not doing enough. Since the end of August, which is when we started, to about mid-September when we stopped, I have gone to one polyamory meeting, and 3 swinger parties. And have attempted to talk with individuals there. But often going to those has resulted from him showing depression and frustration, that I have not initiated anything and only did it because he was upset.

Last week he brought up that at the polyamory group meeting they would be discussing jealousy, but my first reaction was that I did not want to go, that I did not feel comfortable with that particular poly group. This frustrated my husband. He says that I should be willing to feel a bit of discomfort to try to learn about it, and understand it.

I do honestly think about it daily, and I am trying to reconcile the emotions and pain. Or does it seem that am I just stalling and dragging my feet?
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