Originally Posted by RitaFire
I began having panic attacks. I was crying, not sleeping, not eating. My husband decided that we had to stop moving forward with polyamory. I was insisting that we should keep going. I had gotten some books to read about it, and I was reading online to try to understand and cope with the fears and jealousies that I had. But we stopped.
Hi and welcome, RitaFire. Happy to have you here.
To me, panic attacks (haven't had a full-blown attack for a while now, one brush with it last December) are a sign of me being under such an extreme stress in my life that my mind tries to shut down. Every disease of the mind/body has a different ethiology, mine were abusive experiences in the past and the feelings of self-loathing they caused, which extreme stress and disappointments brought to the surface.
To me, it sounds as you were trying to push yourself to do something you weren't ready for. Putting polyamorous explorations aside until you are strong enough to deal with the emotions that set off panicky responses in you is definitely for the best now.
Be kind to yourself. There is nothing wrong with you, this is just something you need to deal with to be able to move on. I'm sending lots of compassion your way.