You are absolutely right the communication has stalled for the most part. I think she didn't have good answers to my questions or comments which in turn frustrated her a great deal which most always deteriorated into tears....on her part. I was usually trying to figure out what exactly she said or meant. Sometimes I wish we had a stenographer to read back something where I got lost.
The reasons for my questions is to gain perspective in order to have a conversation with my wife. Example: If I was to find that most poly folks in relationships with mono's really don't enjoy being the center of that persons focus, attention etc. and actually find it burdensome. That would definitely impact my conversation and questions to her. There would be no empathy at all.
Most of the things I learn here have or will be used in some way or another in conversations with my wife. I really appreciate the insight I've gained.
After suggesting that I may want to opt out of the "primary role" it sort of created a communications vacuum. I don't need the constant talks for reassurance sake. I also think she is reluctant to start conversations along those lines because she is unsure of the out come....doesn't want to make it worst so to speak.
I have asked hypothetical questions to her several times and she usually wants to answer quickly and briefly and change the subject as fast as possible. Its never discussion of much depth. I'm not sure if that's avoidance or a complete lack of empathy.
Thanks for the input D
P.S. I assume you have an extensive knowledge of art history is there one of those "masters" who would be of interest to interview from the perspective of an art therapist..... time machine is ready.