Originally Posted by Mahogany
Is it me? Do I need to suck-it-up and go numb, hoping that in the future it will all be ok....that I will grow to be happy in this "cage"?
Mahogany, I've lived through a severe panic disorder and one thing I learned is that 'Healing hurts'. If you are numb, you are not healing. Sometimes going numb is a very valid reaction to an impossible situation and protects you at that moment from going completely batshit-crazy. For a new mum, going numb is probably preferable to going apeshit. But you need to understand that numbness is a reaction to an emotional shock/trauma, and will always lead to major repercussions, because at some point, you will need to start feeling again.
I suggest you do some reading on PTSD or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Lot of the stuff is written for people who have experienced life-threatening trauma, but that stuff applies to anyone dealing with a major emotional upheaval. The symptoms you described, i.e. not being able to concentrate, eat or sleep well to me speak of you needing medical attention. If you are not breastfeeding at the moment, I'd recommend seeking out a psychiatrist and starting out on mild anti-anxiety medication, such as SSRIs. To focus on therapy and the healing process, you need some sort of mental focus, which the meds will help you achieve. Also, it's practically impossible to get hooked on that stuff.