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Old 03-01-2011, 08:02 AM
Beodude123 Beodude123 is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 69

Now that I think about it, I think this is probably the center of many of the feelings I have. I feel jealousy, because of the fact that I can't directly provide the need Jen has from another. I feel inadiquate for the same reason. I feel like I want to try my hardest to fill that every need, no matter how impossible. Is it dumb? Sure it is. I know Jen needs more than just what I have to offer. But freaking damn, it's hard.

I am, as a person, have a want to fix things. If something isn't complete it's wrong. So I want to try and fix it. Jen isn't complete with just me, but I try my hardest to be it all. Thing is, I can't. So now, I have to figure out how to direct my energies toward making what I physically can't bring to the table, a positive.

That right there is probably the basis of my issues. I want to fix everything, but I can't as a single human being. By accepting what she is, and allowing her to be that person, I would fulfill all her needs. So, the balance. Where does one stop trying, and just relax, and let things be?

I struggle so very hard with this. Jen is my everything. I cannot imagine life without her. I feel as though she feels the same way towards me (but slightly different).

So, any of you mono folks have any advice of how to let go of the desire to fix, and understand the desire to accept unconditionally?

While this is definitely not a problem, my slightly rational mind views it as such, and wants to fix it. How can I balance fixing, with release? Obviously I cannot be everything to everybody, no matter how hard I try.
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