I've come full circle, it seems
About 9 months ago I told my partner, who was mono and asexual, that I could no longer live in non-consensual celibacy. We decided to open the relationship rather than break up.
As you can guess, that didn't work out so well and we eventually separated a little over 2 months ago.
I am still with my lover. We have been together 4 months now. Our relationship was monogamous after my partner left until about a month ago. At that time we decided that he could take on another submissive to protect and train. The relationship with her does not go into the bedroom; but does include bdsm play.
So, it seems I have come full circle and now am on the "other end" of the poly triad. I am not jealous. I am not feeling threatened. I am very happy that my friend is experiencing the care of a true Dominant and will hopefully use what she is learning when she chooses a permanent, life-partnered Dominant of her own.
What I am feeling is neediness.
I became accustomed to having ALL of his energy and attention (which isn't true as we both work 2 jobs and have our own families). I was used to the time we spent together being MY time. It was my mini-vacation from real life. I could relax and let him be in control and feel like I was being taken care of. Now I am sharing that time, energy and attention and I am feeling like I am not getting enough for myself. I am also feeling a sense of anxiety when he doesn't respond to my messages right away. I am not sure what I am "afraid" of ... it is just a vague anxiety that I NEED him and he isn't IMMEDIATELY there.
This relationship is THE first one in my adult life where I was not made to feel bad about my needs and desires. He does all that he can to fulfill my needs. My habit is to feel guilty about having these feelings of neediness and lonliness and sadness. Then I find myself in an arguement with myself ... playing the old tapes that I need to stop feeling this way and arguing that my needs and desires are legitimate.
I talked to my sub mentor about it tonight, and with my Dom. I asked that we look at our schedules and carve out couple time. I made a mental note to myself to not invite our submissive to the next date; I will be more aware of what my needs are and not go to my first instinct of inviting her along every time. He also suggested that I need a hobby ... lol. He is correct that I am still adjusting to evenings alone. My partner is no longer here and when the kids are with their dad, I am alone with me and my thoughts. He suggested I find something to focus on that will engross me enough to shut my brain off.
It is late and He is fussing at me to go to bed. :-)
Thanks for listening, anonymous people of cyberspace,