So, sometimes when I talk to Asha she talks over me. I've actually seen discussions on how certain areas of the country and certain cultures find this normal and acceptable, so I'm not really upset by it, but it makes it difficult for me to communicate with her face-to-face because I was taught that interrupting or talking over someone is rude, and I just can't make myself do it. So in order to communicate the more difficult items I usually e-mail. This is also more effective for me because I sometimes panic when I have to say difficult things in person, and also because it gives me a chance to rethink what I'm saying and watch for intent when I say something.
I sent her an e-mail today about the argument we had, and I think we ironed it out. She didn't mean for it to sound as frightening to me as it did; she was feeling like we had no intention of sharing her love for the outdoors, which is very important to her. I'm kind of getting that she doesn't feel like we think she's important enough to try to share her joy, so I'm trying to address that. She's so independent that sometimes it's hard to ask for that reassurance, ironically.
I also e-mailed Sunday to let him know that I have a problem with not having any time together while Asha is out of town. I haven't heard back. I was very, very careful to keep my tone neutral, but of course e-mails are not ideal in that the reader supplies the tone. If I had said it in person, though, I definitely wouldn't have been very neutral, and I might have abandoned it halfway through if he looked like he was distressed or didn't want to talk about it. I asked him what he pictured our relationship as. I'm sure that I haven't heard back because he's scared to answer, whether because he wants out or because he's afraid he'll make me mad, I don't know. I'm sorry for that, but I felt like not saying anything was setting him up for failure, and I don't want to be disappointed. I want to be realistic.
I'm a little worried that he and I are going to break up, and it will affect the rest of the quad. I still want to have a relationship with Asha. I can be friends with him, I think, but I don't know that I can be around him if things are past a certain level of intimacy. I just don't work that way; I won't be comfortable passing a certain line. But, I'm worrying before I have a reason, so I'm trying to breathe and relax and focus on Easy, who seems to be having a hard time keeping to the changes (for the better) that he's made. And my health, which is not great, and I've been spending the last few nights in pain. Easy said I kept him up all night last night; he said I was whimpering, which I don't remember. I did wake up exhausted.