Snea- We have discussed division of space and finances. we are still looking for a house at the moment so haven't set any rules in place about chores (doesn't make sense to until we know what we're working with) but we have agreed that we need a chore schedule.
Family meetings might be a good idea, but there are barriers to that....
ckn- I, too, think NRE lasts longer than 6 months and I'm hoping that's the case- unfortunately he will be leaving for college in a few months so no telling how it will all turn out.
As for a meeting, which both of you recommend: I wish I felt comfortable doing that. Thing is, I'm used to communicating a lot with my primary. So when things have come up with these two, I have been honest. I have communicated with them privately and/or together (depending on if it's appropriate) and tactfully about any insecurities or misgivings I might have (Like, for example, telling second boyfriend that i didn't mind if he slept with other women, just not to seduce them in front of me or expect me to join in while I was spending the only two days with him that I get.) Problem is, I'm not getting any reciprocity. Oh, they'll respond to my insecurities, and tell me about each other, but nothing in terms of things I could be doing better or insecurities about me. I know they must be feeling something, I'm not perfect either, but if no one tells me what's going on then it's going to build til they blow up at me. And because they don't communicate with each other about certain aspects of their relationship (that I happen to know about because they've told me!) I don't know how to have a family meeting with open communication without it being a complete farce. hell, I suppose there's no better way to know til I try. I can just imagine the scenario, though. I tell everyone I'm feeling anxious (well, the Primary already knows about it) they ask why? and then what do I say without sounding accusatory and micro-managing? IDK. It's a good suggestion, I'm just not sure how to do it exactly. Thank you both so much for responding.