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Old 02-28-2011, 07:16 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mahogany View Post
Hello,

It has been about 6 weeks now since my marriage has opened. My husband has added a woman to our relationship. This came to be because my husband came clean about cheating on me with her (for 5 months before I found out). Before this we shared 4 monogamous years together.
Opening a relationship because of cheating is common. Remaining with the person that was the cheatee is hard as hell. You will have a lot of resentments and pain in regards to the woman.

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I hate sharing my husband, but I cannot leave him. We have 11 month old twin boys too....and it would be horrible to not consider their loss if I walk away.
There are always options. I see others posted more intelligent answers than just a simple response, so I will simply leave it at that.

Him doing this, this soon after a new born seems off to me. Thats a really strange time to open up for the first time.

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In the beginning of this addition of her, things were better (not good though), but this has growth into something more negative than positive for me. I feel like a caged bird....if I could have my wish, it would be to restore the monogamy we lost since the start of 2011.
You could look at this positively too. You are no longer the caged bird confined to monogamy. Just a thought of course, not everyone looks at non-monogamy that way

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My husband constantly asks me what I need to be happy. I have told him and he has not made my wish so. This tells me that he is not capable (or not willing) to be monogamous again. But I do know he loves me deeply, and reminds of this everyday.

I don't want to do this (share my husband) anymore
But I don't want to lose my husband either

What options do I have, if any?
You limit your options when you say you can't or don't. Sorry to say it like that, but you don't seem to have any beyond the one where you leave.

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My hate for her grows more and more each day I feel like I am long-suffering....I have nothing against polyamory, but I am so sad and hurting. I am having trouble eating and sleeping....and I am barely functioning at work.

I have told him that I don't want to come between them, that he can leave to be with her...I wouldn't keep his sons from him (or be resentful, etc) But he wants to be with me, but wants her too.

Just typing this makes me want to cry....I feel like a caged bird
Non-monogamy friendly counselling with some counselling for yourself.

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How did I get here? I just don't want to do this anymore
Again, your options are limited.

You are married
he cheated
he now wants both of you
you can't have anyone <<cough>> bullshit <</cough>>
you have a newborn
you hate the woman
you resent the man
you don't want to be a non-monogamist

Try counselling, thats step one, if you want to save the marriage. After that, you need to start making decisions for yourself (as in, start being selfish)

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Also, my husband does not feel comfortable with me exploring my end of the openness. He does not want me intimate with another man. He is not abusive or forceful about it, but he has simply communicated that he is not comfortable with it. Should I pursue another man anyway?
Thats pure unadulterated sexist bullshit.

Ari
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