I would first like to applaud your courage to stand up here and open yourself up here in this forum. You are brave and open minded, much respect to you for taking this step for yourself and your relationship with your husband.
I am not in your position of being a mono in a poly/mono relationship. In fact I am more closely related to your husband's position. However because of that I felt compelled to write and say HI and offer what I can from the other side of the mirror.
I am currently in a V with two monogamous and heterosexual women, we all live separately and each have children from different relationships. For this to work for us it requires that we all practice radical honesty and acceptance with one another.
One of my loves wants to hear all of the details, the other not nearly as much. Though by being honest across the board, and through each of us accepting one anothers idiosyncrasies we manage to make it work.
I can honestly tell you that it is not easy, but it is so rewarding for everyone involved to know that they are loved.
However the only advice I can give you is:
- Continue to be honest and direct with him about all of your feelings.
- Know, understand and discuss those feelings. Own your feelings, allow him to own his own.
- Set clearly defined boundaries of what is and is not ok with you.
- Communicate clearly when you feel those boundaries have been crossed.
- Accept and love him for who he is. Do not try to change him, for on his side of the fence, an attempt to change him will likely seen as rejection.
There is plenty of writing here and in the multitude of literature about managing Jealousy and Communication - which in my experiences are the two most difficult parts in maintaining a poly/mono relationship.
I certainly hope that this works for you and that you continue to feel loved and love those that are in your life.
I look forward to learning more about your story and experiences as you begin this journey.