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Old 02-28-2011, 05:53 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by Beodude123 View Post
I don't want to deny what she has become, but at the same time, I don't want to put myself down to meet her needs.
Well, she didn't BECOME poly, she just is. So it would mean loving her for who she is. This is news to you and its okay for you to be going though this.. No one is expecting you to push yourself down. If its not going to work out, if it is something you just can't over come, if you need to move on because this is too big, then that is what is meant to happen...

Mono says we will be good friends and family still. He will live here if he can emotionally and be involved in my life, and our families, but not like he is now. We have made a plan for if I find someone I just cannot pass up. It was an eye opener to go through that process and has meant a change in how much effort I will put into my relationship with Leo... it made me think differently about him and my desire to include him in my life at this time.

If after a month you still need time, then take it... if after however long it is just too painful and unhealthy then it's time to make a change to move apart from each other. It might be wise to talk about what that would look like. So that when you are both faced with, "I can't do this any more" you know what the plan is. That doesn't mean using that as manipulation though. It's okay to say "I am really struggling right now," but to say "I can't do this any more" becomes the trigger for the plan you make. Be sure that you are very sure it is time to make that move.

That being said, you might find you never get there and that there is no reason to orchestrate the plan... you just don't know and there is no point in stressing about it. Really the best you can do is plan, educate yourself on her, him and yourself and let it seep in over some time...
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