It has been about 6 weeks now since my marriage has opened. My husband has added a woman to our relationship. This came to be because my husband came clean about cheating on me with her (for 5 months before I found out). Before this we shared 4 monogamous years together.
I hate sharing my husband, but I cannot leave him. We have 11 month old twin boys too....and it would be horrible to not consider their loss if I walk away.
In the beginning of this addition of her, things were better (not good though), but this has growth into something more negative than positive for me. I feel like a caged bird....if I could have my wish, it would be to restore the monogamy we lost since the start of 2011.
My husband constantly asks me what I need to be happy. I have told him and he has not made my wish so. This tells me that he is not capable (or not willing) to be monogamous again. But I do know he loves me deeply, and reminds of this everyday.
I don't want to do this (share my husband) anymore
But I don't want to lose my husband either
What options do I have, if any?
My hate for her grows more and more each day
I feel like I am long-suffering....I have nothing against polyamory, but I am so sad and hurting. I am having trouble eating and sleeping....and I am barely functioning at work.
I have told him that I don't want to come between them, that he can leave to be with her...I wouldn't keep his sons from him (or be resentful, etc) But he wants to be with me, but wants her too.
Just typing this makes me want to cry....I feel like a caged bird
How did I get here? I just don't want to do this anymore
Also, my husband does not feel comfortable with me exploring my end of the openness. He does not want me intimate with another man. He is not abusive or forceful about it, but he has simply communicated that he is not comfortable with it. Should I pursue another man anyway?
What can I do?
I need help