i must say that a great deal of dealing with this is having an open mind,which is obvious that you do,cuz your here,trying to figure it out.
it was extremely difficult for me to tell the love of my life that i am poly. she is mono,and she is trying to figure out why.
society can dictate alot of things,and we base our whole preception of who we think we are in relation to what society accepts.
i wonder if maybe your hubby felt this,and that is a part of me almost wishes i wasnt poly,cuz then i wouldnt be causeing my loved one any pain.
one might want to keep in mind that they have the choice to feel the way they do. this is a concept uncomfortable for most,cuz they want to blame something outside them selves for their discomfort,they dont want to be responsible for their own feelings. but she transforms this discomfort into love on a higher level.through this we are both evolving,its powerful.
so as we get older,i think we get less affraid of looking deep into ourselves see the things we dont like about ourselves,then learn to accept those things and honor them,by being authentic.
people like to chalk these types of life change self discoveries as being merely mid life crisis,its way bigger than that.