Originally Posted by dingedheart
So outside of core understanding your relationship would change and from what you said may suffer. What you have described was/is the situation of most of us who have had mono relationships for yrs and yrs then out of the blue this need has been discovered. The text messages would start to decrease, phone calls would become less frequent and more fact or informational. Meaning you need to pick up this or so and so called or I'm running late wont be home at the usual time. Focus is over as you knew it. It becomes a simple math problem..... time divided by (x) X= number of partners.
A few weeks back mono posted something along the lines of pulling back and acting in a more secondary role....he got many replies....very few actual responded to his question. Most wanted to discuss the boundaries that the two of you agree to or his reasons for the boundary...Nobody thought to explore if he was to 2 or 3 outside relationships. I now think maybe that was the actual question. I saw his question through the lens that I was wearing at that moment in time. Seeing it as a camping issue or being in a space that makes him uncomfortable. Lets think if mono brought some hot blond who has her own Harley to the camping trip??? And yes they are out there "hot single bikers" and yes they have teeth. I actually know one and she is a corporate lawyer... the only down side is she's a lawyer.
You suggested that pn doesn't handle NRE very well and he drops the ball when it comes to his responsibility. I gather you are talking about family obligations and or time with your son. NOT so much his time and attention to you.
If Mono brought a woman camping I would be more threatened if she were a lawyer
but I wouldn't really feel threatened by her relationship with him... just my own stuff about me and her being a lawyer and owning a bike. JEALOUS on a couple of counts.
I don't want to be a lawyer, but I often think I haven't lived my full potential because I got no help with my learning disability and because I didn't really know what to do with myself that would make any money... I'm an Art Therapist by trade... that's what I went to school for. NO money in that.
I would be jealous of the bike too. Kinda a dream to go on a long ride on my own Harley somewhere with Mono and a bunch of others. PN rolls his eyes at the thought. No interest.
I take it you are asking because you want to know what I would think if Mono were to fall in love with another woman? Well I would be very concerned because he would leave me if that were the case. It would mean we are over.
He has given me a list of what to look for if we are over in his eyes and I pay very close attention. I saw some signs after I broke my boundary with Leo. I was very fearful that there was no coming back from that. It really helped to know the signs as he is not forth coming with information in situations like that.
As to PN in his NRE, yes, no responsibility for family or me... not good with the time thing... always in lala land somewhere, even if he is standing right there. Annoying as hell and after a time, just not okay. I get that one needs a bit of that. I have compersion for that; but we are talking constant!