January and February (3)
And I’m not done yet! This is going to be several posts long I think by the time I’m done. This last week has been very rough as well. While I’ve not been given any shifts this week at work, it seems to have worked out being good timing. On Tuesday my grandmother fell in the parking lot of the mall across the street from her apartment building. She couldn’t get up and was lucky a lady driving stopped and saw her or she would’ve been run over. The lady stopped and called an ambulance and a couple people helped her up. She was in the emergency room for several hours getting x-rays, catscans and pre-op work done. In the end they said she needed surgery and would be called Wednesday to be told what time to come in for it on Thursday. They put her in a sling, gave her some pain meds and sent her home.
She can’t do much on her own so can’t be left alone. My mother took two days off work to stay with her and help her. They got a call Wednesday night saying my grandmother’s surgery was at 8:40 am the next morning. Well come the next morning hey called her to cancel it. On account of the snow here there was no room in the OR for her. This aggravated me and my family as she was in alot of pain, and the pain meds she was given she wouldn’t take cuz they made her feel dizzy and sick, so she was taking common Tylenol. We waited to hear from them again on Thursday night about a surgery for Friday, and they didn’t call. By about 8:30 pm my mother called the hospital and they said that she would not get surgery Friday. We were all of us very pissed off. My mother had to go back to work Friday so I went over at 6am to take care of her for the day. At around 9am the hospital called and told her not to eat or drink anything and call them back at 4pm because they might be able to fit her in that evening. So she waited and got hungry and thirsty and was in pain because she couldn’t take any meds. My mother arrived after work and let me go home to get some rest. Well at around 4 they called and they told her 9am Saturday. We were, again all annoyed because once again she’d fasted pointlessly. The concern now is that they will cancel Saturday’s surgery and if they do we’re taking her to the hospital and putting our feet down and insisting they give her the surgery. By tomorrow, Saturday it will have been 4 days since her fall and they’ve given her bandaid in the form of a sling without really treating her at all. If they are allowed to do this there is a fear the bone will start to heal and have to be re-broken, plus if they keep getting her to fast and then cancelling on her of dehydration and malnourishment. So that’s been a stressor and worry on my shoulders as well this past week.
And yes folks there’s more. I was talking with Edge last night and he had his runes out and asked me if I had any questions I wanted him to ask them for me to be answer. I asked him two questions and he did a casting for each. The first was about my back and when it’d be permanently cured. He told me he could give me a time but could see what might be preventing it from healing. The runes told him that something was disrupting my signals to cause my pain as though it had almost been wished or cast upon me and he suggested that a spiritual or psychic scrub might help, but that that kind of thing would need to be done in person so I’d have to find someone who knew how to do it. The second question I had him ask was where my being poly would take me and this reading turned up a very interesting result.
The runes told him that I didn’t feel whole, that I rely on others for my strength and protection and I get a great energy from it and defence, but that I didn’t feel whole presently, which isn’t entirely inaccurate. He continued to expand the runs to get more information on this subject for me and what turned up was that I’ve a need or desire to fulfill bur haven’t pursued it for some reason. I was avoiding a journey somewhere I wanted to go. I was confused by this and tried to think on what it might be but nothing came to me. Apparently it was something I wanted badly but had been avoiding. He couldn’t cast anymore runes for that particular subject so he reset them and recast them specifically on what that need might be. What turned up was that it was something within reach but that I refused to grasp. It was a someone not just a somewhere that was within my reach but I’d been avoiding grasping, but was also something that would help me to feel whole again if I took it or asked for it. At that point Edge told me his head was swimming and he couldn’t cast any more runes because it had drained him. He speculated though that it was possible it could be someone I wanted for one of my lovers that would accept if I only approached them about it. I told him I knew it wasn’t Bob, and he told me by the energy he read from it he knew so also, because he’d recognize it right away if it were. Bob can’t and won’t accept me as poly. He said he could tell it was a desire for someone I’m already close to, that I want to go to them but I hold myself back. He knows it’s not John or Beth because I would go to them if it were so. And with that he left me to speculate.
The reading upset me, though I can’t remember why now I knew at the time why it had. I think perhaps it might be edge, because I do love him, and I do hold back, because I have worried and doubts about it. It would complicate things even further in my already complicated life and would be another long distance relationship. I also know that he cannot fulfill two of my greatest desires, marriage and children. John does not want children and never considered it though has told me before he’d considered giving them to me. So I am rather confused, and perhaps it was that confusion that upset me. I have shared this reading with John and he has encouraged me to go and visit Edge and pursue it, but I am afraid of hurting edge if it does not work out and do not want to damage the relationship we already have. He has a fragile self esteem already and if things didn’t work out and I rejected him it would be extremely damaging and I don’t want to lose him but don’t want to be trapped either, perhaps that is why I hold back with him.
I think that’s everything, so there’s been ALOT going on in my life lately, yet somehow I survive and keep plugging through it all. I hope life will calm down and find some sense of normalcy soon.