January and February (2)
Those two things bogging me down I ran into my first major poly obstacle about a week ago now with John. Beth had introduced a friend of her from our MMO we all play, Iíll call her Jenny, and asked John to do Jenny a favour by playing a part in a roleplay for the game, nothing erotic, and it didnít bother me, why should it? After the roleplay though John and Jenny started to talk alot and he was giving alot of time to her, even doing hypnosis with her and I started to get uncomfortable. When he was doing stuff with her while we were talking and it was our usual time together for the evening, I started to get upset, but didnít want to say anything. He seemed so happy with doing hypnosis with Jenny and other things and I wanted to be happy for him but I just wasnít. I began to wonder if something was wrong with me, and if I was struggling with being poly but still having some mono mindsets because of how I was raised. It was upsetting me and Iíd spent the better part of the day previous crying and upset. I had to go out of the house and go swimming to distract myself for a while but it didnít last. The next day I spoke to Edge about it and another friend, both of whom know Iím poly and know about John. Both encouraged me to talk to John about how I felt. I was reluctant to until I had no other choice. John asked me one night if Jenny could join us in skype while he helped her with a quest in the MMO. When I didnít answer right away hesitated when I did reply to answer affirmatively he knew something was up.
I had written a big long blog post about it for this blog which I decided against posting, it was mainly to help me get it out of my system and to give to John when it eventually did come up so he could see how it was bothering me as I often donít communicate well when confronting problems with people. I get upset and canít think straight so writing it lets me get out all that needs to be said and then what I wrote can be discussed. So that is what happened. I sent it to him to read and he read it and we talked. In the end things did get resolved part of my issue was that alot of the things he was now doing with Jenny he used to do with me and hadnít done with me for a while and was doing it during the time we usually got to ourselves. So I felt left out and a bit neglected. Also with Beth and Dara, theyíd always been there, they were there before I came along so it was pre-established, but Jenny was new, and I felt a bit threatened.
John apologized to me and said he hadnít realized Iíd felt that way, that he had taken for granted that with the shit going on in Bethís life and in Jennyís that I was okay, because I didnít show any outward signs of being otherwise, and if I had he had not picked up on them and apologized for that. He assured me that Jenny was not someone he was interested in having that kind of relationship with and that she would only be a friend and that jenny had he own boundaries where that kind of thing was concerned anyways. Heíd gotten excited hypnotizing someone new as every experience is different and he enjoys learning new things from the various people heís hypnotised. We talked for a good long while about it and how to balance things out and other things, and in the end I really ended up enjoying the night despite how it had started as he and I havenít talked like that for a while as often we have a hard time coming up with topics of conversation. At the end of the night he surprised me and said my name which always catches me by surprise because he rarely uses my full first name (usually uses a clip of it) except on special occasions or if he needs my attention. It did as it was meant, caught me by surprise and acted as an interrupt and he dropped me into trance. He didnít leave me there long or really do anything with me there, he just let me feel what it was like again and to enjoy just quietly being there. When he brought me back up I was very happy he had done it and thanked him for letting me feel it again.
Since that night and the discussion John has cut back on the time and attention he gives Susan and has been paying more attention to me and how I was doing. We realized being poly has a learning curve and for us both being in our first poly relationship weíre both feeling it and going to have to take it as it comes and communicate better. Thatís going to be a challenge for me, but I can try.