Originally Posted by Beodude123
...The dynamic of our marriage is pretty much that one cannot be happy without the other. It's been like that since day one. Usually it was a pretty simple balance... But now, I'm not so sure.
....I've also been feeling envious. As hard of a time as I've been having, I kind of want to try and see if having a poly relationship myself would open my eyes.
...So, I'm kind of just sitting in limbo right now, not really sure where this all is going to go. J is coming over tonight for a big talk, so we'll see how that goes.
I feel for you and you are being incredibly brave! You and Jen sound like you have a very similar relationship to mine and my husband's (and a similar situation - we were mono happily for a long time). I can tell just from reading what you both have written on here that you both love each other very much.
This is a really difficult time, but clutch on to what your heart knows: that she loves you and wants you to be happy and in her life! That is what is helping me get through my own "limbo."
If you think that exploring poly for yourself is a good idea then I say, by all means, try it. I have not personally gotten to that place yet, but I don't think that anyone should rule something out if it has a possibility for growth and most importantly if it brings you fulfillment.
It also sounds like J is a great man who completely respects you and your place in Jen's life. Maybe getting to know him better will help you to feel more secure. You are doing an amazing job already! I hope I get to the place where you and definitely Mono have already gotten to. Acceptance, letting go, trusting in love...these are all things I am working on for now.
Hugs! Hope all goes well tonight!