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Old 02-25-2011, 10:11 PM
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SimpleSimian SimpleSimian is offline
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 55

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Your partner will love others all their life (unless they are a hermit). Friends, children, parents, mentors and protegees.
Yeah, I get that. I love other people too. I guess love isn't the issue, it's the level of involvement that is implied by a romantic sexual relationship.

Your partner should have divided attention! People that love each other so much and disdain the company of others to the point of never spending time with others are pathological and codependent.
We are a bit codependent, sure, but that's the thing. We also happen to be best friends. We like to spend time together, and lots of it. She often complains that I'm at work too much, because my commute eats up 3-4 hours of every day. But yes, I am needy. I don't have other friends that fulfill me the way she does.

It's the sex. Our culture just doesn't know how to deal with sexual desire! We're a bunch of Puritans and it's so fucking outdated and hurtful.
I guess the real funny thing is I don't mind so much if the sex is just sex. When it becomes lovemaking, I get real worried for some reason. I'm pretty weird about my sexuality. I don't toss it around casually.

Well! You don't have to have another partner just to fill your time. There are a million things you could be doing instead. Activities with platonic friends (especially those friends/activities your wife doesnt care for!), hobbies, travel, reading, shopping, masturbating, TV/internet, calling your mom for once.
Lol my mom calls me every day, so I have no choice but to talk to her all the time. As for activities my wife doesn't care for...I do them when I'm with her, while she's doing activities I don't care for. she writes fanfiction while I'm coding my web projects. And my friends...most of them are too busy for me or live too far away now. I get lots and lots of alone time, and rarely do I get time to meet people, even when my wife is away for a day, I can't just go down to the coffee shop or a bar and make friends with strangers, because that's not really how I roll. Masturbation...meh. Rarely worth the time I spend doing it. I spend all day long on the internet, I can't afford my hobbies. I guess I'm in a weird place where I don't have anything to do for fun that I'm not already doing all the time, so time without her is lacking...well...her, and lacking little else.

So actually, you CAN turn it off, it's just not easy. It gets easier my friend. Practice makes perfect.
I haven't been practising enough. She's only really involved with her girlfriend, and they never get to see one another.

I get this. It can feel like you're actually dying, when you feel betrayed and jealous. (But you're not, or I'd be in the grave 10 years now. I got on Zoloft instead of actually driving my car off a cliff as I often wished I could, if not for my children who needed me.)
I don't think I have problems with depression, I just get so damnably lonely when I'm alone. I'm a clingy socialite who is used to hanging out in a big room full of friends in between classes at school, both in high school and what little college I took. I no longer have that comfortable mechanism in place to keep myself sane, and spending too much time alone slowly drives me wonky. I get really annoying and overly talkative and emotional when I spend too much time alone. Like today, for instance. Notice the ranting? Of course you do. :P

True, jealousy happens. But it can be worked through, and turned into compersion, given time and effort and much reading of books and boards like this. Perhaps therapy. And of course, searing openness and honesty with your partner. Use "I" statements, not sarcasm, try not to use the terms "bullshit," "you whore," or "fuck you." And no playing of the victim either.
Agreed. We talk a lot, and we try very hard to understand one another and explain ourselves clearly and in a non-threatening way. It is a very good thing to be doing. But I think I have stopped making progress, perhaps because there doesn't feel like there's a need to, so I've stagnated into a comfort zone. Hmm...
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