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Old 02-25-2011, 08:25 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

She says if you want to show ME unconditional love you will do this.
I'm always amazed by how people try to put conditions on UN-conditional love. It just does NOT work that way...

I understand the EMOTIONS she's struggling through, but that doesn't change the fact that unconditional love can't be forced or demanded. If you force or demand or manipulate someone into an action, their action is no longer unconditional love-it's obedience. Plain and simple.

I just finished reading a book that really succinctly and lovingly explains this. (It's NOT A POLYAMORY book.) Might be helpful for her in addressing the reality of dealing with her emotions constructively. Sounds like she's struggling with that (understandably, but why continue to struggle if you can fix the emotional hurts?).

"Real Love: The truth about finding unconditional love & fulfilling relationships"-Greg Baer, M.D.

Originally Posted by sage View Post
I started a blog about my experience(link in signature) and it might be helpful for your wife to read.

Don't be tempted to cheat that will make everything worse, much worse.
Definitely GREAT advice here from Sage. I would HIGHLY suggest reading Sage's blog with your wife.

I also would reiterate, don't cheat. It's not worth it. Been there, done that, it will hurt you most and it's just NOT worth it. (great job on NOT doing that to begin with by the way!)

RP is right too, relationships are a series of compromises. Your wife has stated what SHE wants to see happen, now it's your turn to state what you want to see happen. Then the two of you negotiate on a compromise that is acceptable to you both. That's part of a healthy relationship. It's not a healthy relationship if either partner makes demands that impede the health (whether emotionally, physically, sexually or psychological)of the other person. Both partners have to be able to meet their needs in whatever compromise is decided on.
If deleting the other love from your life is going to be destructive for you (and history has shown that most people find it destructive to turn away a loved one); then that isn't a reasonable compromise. It may be reasonable to agree to be only friends.
You (both) need to really look at what your personal NEEDS actually are, not just WANTS, but needs and then sit down to discuss them.

In my personal experience, having tried to cut off the second love of my life completely..... it doesn't result in ANYTHING good. Not only does the person doing it end up miserable, but the person asking them to also ends up miserable-with the now miserable (and often resentful) spouse.....
"Love As Thou Wilt"

Last edited by LovingRadiance; 02-25-2011 at 08:26 PM. Reason: Adding book title that I forgot to include!
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