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Old 02-25-2011, 08:07 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Funny that you started this thread, Mags. I was recently telling a friend that through the years I have often thought of myself as a sort of reincarnation of a temple prostitute, in the original, best sense of the word. And just last night I sent Dreamy a message where I told him: "Sex can be so healing when two people are honest and open, and not out to use each other but just enjoy each other... I think we can really enjoy each other's bodies, get in touch with ourselves again, too, skin to skin..."

He and I are both dealing with divorce and it has been healing to be sexual with each other. As it has been healing for me to have a primarily sexual relationship with Shorty, who opened me up to a large part of myself that was hidden away. And there is so much caring and respect, though it is mostly sexual.

So many times in my sexual life (before I was married and my sexual energies were tamped down for many reasons), I had visions of myself in a temple or bathhouse, welcoming men home from war, soothing their spirits and bodies with sex, massage, pleasure, and helping make them whole again. The problem with my visions of being a modern-day temple prostitute in current society, was that I was programmed to believe in monogamy and finding an exclusive partner to grow old with -- and so I would get upset when the men I was with got the healing they needed and then were no longer in my life anymore. I often overlooked the fact that the encounter was finite, not meant to be a forever thing, and just as healing for me as it was for them. However, I consider myself fortunate that these patriarchal thoughts didn't always get in the way. I have had the enriching experience several times of having shared my body with someone, felt my heart expand in the time we shared together, and was able to say goodbye, still feeling a loving connection, without any sadness or sense of loss. I remember one of these guys saying to me, "I won't say I'll miss you, because that would mean there's something lacking. But what we had fills me and makes it possible for me to leave, and to smile whenever I think of you." And I knew what he meant, and felt the same way. I have always remembered him fondly, although that was the last time we saw each other, 22 years ago. To the others in our social circle who knew we'd gotten it on, they probably thought that all we had was a one-night stand. It was so much more, and yet it was just sex at the same time.

I started having sex at 14, was always tuned into my sexual nature, and although my Inner Prude has always been there and I don't have much experience with kinky shit or experimentation, I have known that my sexuality was healing to others. My sister has had the same thing -- even "curing" (for lack of a better word) one lover of ED, after he had sex with her. I don't think it's magic or fantasy. I think it has to do with trusting and being secure in one's desires and sharing the body with kindness and respect, which enables one's partner to resonate with that. I see this as very different from swinging, which turns me off.

Though it can seem to others that it's just whorish behavior, or somehow disrespectful to oneself to be so "casual" with sexual dalliances.

Maybe the patriarchal view of sex as dirty having been held for so many generations is another contributing factor to post-traumatic stress syndrome. Imagine all the soldiers with PTSD going to see a skilled sex worker instead of a shrink!
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 02-25-2011 at 08:39 PM.
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