Originally Posted by polymono
I also feel that I'm more open to different relationships with other girls without feeling a guilt towards my current relationship with her.
This was such a huge relief for me when I realized that, just because we connect with other people (even platonicly), it doesn't mean we are taking something away from our spouse. Just because society or our friends say that there should be no room in our hearts for more than the one we are married to, that doesn't mean it true nor do I have to accept that.
My husband makes friends with women easily and he tends to develope close relationships with them. I'd be fine with everything, until a friend or relative would ask, "doesn't it bother you that ____ is always around?" Up until they said something, it didn't really bother me. I started to feel like I should be jealous, where I hadn't been prior. I also realized that I held back in my own interactions with others for fear of seeming "too friendly" or "too flirty" and as a result, I don't really have any true friends.
I truly believe that these expectations of what we "should" be doing or feeling has cause problems in my marriage. When we think we shouldn't have certain feelings, we hide them and lie about it, even to ourselves. There are no absolutes when it comes to our feelings, they are real and don't go away, just because society says we shouldn't feel a certain way.
Of course, NONE of this has to do with the actions we take based on these feelings, we're not there yet. However, it was such a huge relief for me to realize that I don't have to accept what society says should be, but that we can make our own rules, based on who WE are not who we should be.