I'm so exhausted. I feel like it's back and forth all of the time. Just when I think hubby is okay, he tells me he's on the verge of calling the whole thing off. I go from being fairly content and working on figuring out my own emotions, to being terrified about it coming to a stop but at the same time hating that I'm putting him through this.
He's usually such a happy, positive, person. What's bringing out the best in me, is bringing out the worst in him, and I don't know how to deal with that. How can I say that my feelings are more important than his when he means everything to me? He's my rock in life, and to have him not be stable and me be the cause of it.. breaks my heart.
I feel lost, I don't know the answer to any of this. Why does it feel so natural to me, but unnatural to him? Why can't I feel this fabulous just one love in my life? I can't imagine being married to anybody else, he's my everything, so why isn't it enough?
I just keep thinking if he can just stick it out, he'd realize that it's not so bad. Then I think, WHY do I need this? WHY do I need to put somebody I love through this? Yet, the thought of going back hurts just as bad because I feel like such a better me.. not just for me, but for him too.
Today, is not a good day.