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Old 02-25-2011, 01:46 AM
Lunshbox Lunshbox is offline
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Gastonia, NC
Posts: 10


One of the things that we have talked about is not going into this blindly. I have to know she has done her research and she has to know I have done mine. I have asked her some questions already that she said she hasnít thought about yet which are very serious issues in my opinion. A lot of my reservations are due to her telling me that this is a curiosity and that she very well may try it and not like it. That coupled with the 5% increase in happiness is a little stressful.

I would never count anything out. I have always been very logical when it comes to actions that I take and understanding that nothing is ever counted out. I am just as unsure as she is, I just have more reservations about it. I think one of the problems is that the only person she knows that is poly never tells her the negative aspects of it. She only talks about the positive, which is fine, but not very realistic.

I agree that this had better be something important to her. Because if it happens, regardless of the outcome, everything is going to change and nothing will be the same again. Thatís not to say it is good or bad, it just is. Thank you for your advice


Thank you for the link. I have been reading through it this afternoon. I have had some free time this week since my wife has the flu. I have had to stay home and take care of her and make sure our daughter gets back and forth to school. Anyway, this has given me a lot of time to do research.

I really do want to understand the pull that she may be feeling or understand if that is what she is actually feeling. I donít think either one of us know what we truly want. I will say that one of the hardest aspects for me so far has been the emotional rollercoaster of going from feeling like my marriage was stable and I had actually settled down (I had a very tumultuous love life until I met my wife). Now itís like everything has been taken apart like a puzzle and I have no idea what the picture is supposed to look like when I am done putting it back together.


Thank you very much for that advice and the links. They have all been bookmarked and will be read. The one thing is that if we decide to do this then I have to do it as well. If we get to that point then I have to know if it is something I want to do too. Itís just the process of realizing I am not in a settled-down relationship and I have to go back into dating mode that I have to get over.


I think it would be worth a shot. It helps that we live close to a city so it shouldnít be hard to at least find a community.


Slow is the only way I can go at this point. Thank you for the recommendation.


I agree that it is too soon. I think I am over-analyzing things right now. I donít expect this to be an overnight deal. I do appreciate the words of encouragement.


I know. I am just looking at my options right now. It is very possible that we will both love it. I would not discount that possibility at all. I am just at the point now that there are a lot of questions that I have and a lot of baggage I need to get over before I could move forward.


That is one thing I am not sure of yet. I understand that I do not own anyone. I am not sure if I can get to the point of being able to give up the valuable time that we have together.

I would never ask for something in return if she does something. What I am trying to understand if this is something that I also want. And to be honest, my wife came into my life at a very special time. I am not sure if I would even want to be with another woman. As of right now, I am very unhappy, but my unhappiness stems from the current level of upheaval in our relationship. Dealing with this issue and the current anxiety problems I am having is very difficult.

I never really thought of this becoming a one for one situation. I hope that doesnít happen because I donít want to be forced into doing something. But as far as she has told me, she would be happy just going out with someone regardless if I do or not.

Thank you all for the well-wishes and advice. It has helped me tremendously. You are all good people
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