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Old 02-25-2011, 12:53 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunshbox View Post
All in all, I have always been monogamous. I may not have stayed with some people very long, but I have been monogamous none-the-less. Honestly, and I feel that I can be honest here and get honest answers in return, I feel that her asking me to have an open marriage is the same as her asking me to not be attracted to men and to be completely straight. It is so against my nature that I don't think I can do it. Then she tells me that she can't do it without me. So do I go against every fiber of my being and open our marriage to make her happy?
Can you open the marriage but not be open yourself? If you love her and she feels this undying need, and you don't. Could you share her? (I know that sounds possessive... just using an example)

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Do I become bitter and resentful of her because she "forced" me to do something that I would never ask of her ( know this is up to me, but like many have said, feelings are valid if they effect your life that much)? I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would never stay in a relationship that made me unhappy. The kicker is that I have fallen in love with her so hard and deep that I am not sure I would ever be happy without her.
Are you unhappy? If you can deal with the emotional upheaval you may be able to find happiness with her open.

But, in look at your bi-sexuality. If poly is that rooted in a persons core then how do you explain how lots of people love multiples but don't act on them.

Just because you are bi doesn't mean you have to bang men and just because she is poly, she doesn't have to be poly.

I use these examples, not to discourage you but show you there are still options. Unless you want a 1 for 1 situations (shes open you are open) type of deal, then that starts to get messy.

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A Catch-22, as it were. Do I tell her I can't do it and then have the knowledge that for as long as we are together that she will never be completely happy? She has said that she could never leave me, but she also told me that she could never be poly.
Is this to protect her own feelings? If she is open, you are open, so it feels justified? It might be something for you both to consider. How far does the 1v1 go. We see lots of couples come on here and other sides saying the girl won't date until the guy does. That quickly creates resentment as it hands over control to the more uninterested party

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I am stuck and I don't know what to do. Help me.
You are doing the right things,asking questions. Looking around and researching. Its a good way to find that base foundation for your relationship to open up.

However... as much as you are doing this as a couple, you are doing it as individuals too. You have a right to say no for yourself... while she says yes to the same topic. You might just have to find boundaries that work for both of you

good luck

ari
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