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Old 02-25-2011, 12:25 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by Lunshbox View Post
It is either we go through with this and she is happy and I am miserable or we don't and she will never be completely happy and I will constantly feel like I stopped her from finding true happiness.
Okay, deep breath. You don't know that you will be miserable, and she doesn't know if poly will make her happier.

Not trying to push you in any direction, just pointing out something I see frequently here. New people come and say, "I could never, because it would make me feel so ____." But the fact is that that is just projection. You never know how you will feel until you are in a situation and feeling it. Or you could make it a self-fulfilling prophecy and drum up the feelings you think you should be having without really being with what is.

You both could be very surprised (if you do choose to explore a poly path).

The thing to do is not necessarily set up some protection against possible future unpleasantness, but see where you are right now. I think it's premature to spin off into what the future will be. Your wife, for right now, is just beginning to look at these thoughts she's had and now you are aware of them. Go slow, read those books you ordered, continue talking, try not to predict what will happen. Don't force anything before you're ready. You are both in a really good place -- it is obvious you care about each other.

Welcome. Gently now...
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 02-25-2011 at 01:19 AM.
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