View Single Post
Old 02-24-2011, 07:44 AM
polymono polymono is offline
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 11

Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
Hi polymono,
I was reading your initial post where you said that you had a conversation with her about not doing anything that would possibly hurt each other. Were the two of you specific in what that meant to both of you? There has been a lot of discussion on boundaries on here and one of the things that comes up frequently is that one person's definition of what crosses a boundary is not always the same as another person's.

I also saw you say that you had hoped that she had moved past being poly. That's not how it works (usually). She may agree to move slowly with anyone else in her life in respect for your feelings but chances are if you tell her that she must be monogamous with you forever she may very well fall in love with someone else and hide it from you.
I didn't ask her to become mono, I don't believe in changing people. About the boundaries, you are right, they were pretty open and subject to interpretation. Also these agreements were made when we were on our trip, we were alone together. Now that we are far from each other and that she is moving on with her life and so I think she might realize that she really wants/needs to be poly. I start realizing now, that maybe I had some false expectations, or mono expectations of our relationship. When she goes with other guys, it is something she doesn't necessarily wants to share with me. It is something between her and that other person. My idea was that she would talk about it, share it... even if I have some difficulties with it, but it seems she doesn't like to do that, maybe also because of my reaction.

It still feels odd to me though. Whenever she gets more distant (not physically, but emotionally), it is generally when she is involved with other persons she likes. Which makes sense, we all have a limited amount of time each day where we can do things we want to do. That is a strange and painful situation for a mono person, as in a mono relationship I'm used to get full attention of my partner.

Last edited by polymono; 02-24-2011 at 07:49 AM. Reason: adding stuff
Reply With Quote