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Old 02-24-2011, 12:22 AM
Imagination Imagination is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 51
Default Thanks a lot you for the answers here's my reply

I told Claudia before I went visiting my friend, what I wrote in my other post. I will spend about 3 month without going out with her and likely date other women/ start a relationship. Meanwhile she can think about her opinion of a poly relationship and she can work on her problem of freaking out and attacking me. I will contact her and ask her about her interim position, when I come back from my trip in 14 days, (which will be from now next weekend). She said, she would accept everything, besides that I would have intimate contact with other females. I said, I might do this anyway and she should consider, if she can accept it. So I told her quite clearly where I'm at and I didn't cheat. Nevertheless she might have overheard my statement. After the three month, we could try again - if she wishes to -, but as partners and not as exceptional lovers. I still have a lot of feelings for Claudia, but I rather would quit this relationship, if it goes on like this. I feel trapped somehow, I would like to help her with her mental problems, but I don't know how and over and over again - in between very beautiful times - she makes me feeling down by trying to control me and questioning my freedom.
It's like Brigids Daughter said, I broke up a few times in the last may be 6 months, but each time immediately afterwards by showing excessive sadness or anger (and by hugging me etc) or both she convinced me, to try again. May be, that's the reason, why I repeated my last decision on the phone. Before I talked to her on the phone, I told her the same personally but she put so much pressure on me, that I couldn't show her, that I really mean it. Possibly, she didn't take me seriously on the phone, too. (For about the past two weeks now, we didn't talk at all, didn't talk at the phone and I'm in a different city).
A major reason why I stayed with her so long is, because I feel sorry for her and I know how it feels to be in a serious mental crisis like that. I love her, but the love is hurt in different ways by her behaviour. It won't be easy for me (and for her), to get through with our seperation, yet I feel it is better for me and for her too. I guess she needs and she even wants to see some consequences, when she plays with me and provokes me again and again. I know she has other sides that are really positive, caring and creative. She has to get there in a process by herself or may be with someone else. I don't know if our bonds are strong enough, that we can have a relationship in a different form later. May be I'm naive, but at least I want to give it a chance. I feel, I also have to work on myself, because otherwise, similar incidents/ projections like with Claudia might happen again in my life. I think another way to prevent this are poly relationships, because a poly partner won't make me feel that dependent. Someone who manipulates the other to stay only with him/ her, won't very likely agree to a poly relationship.
The reason why I broke up with Claudia two weeks ago is: we got into an argument and she started to get aggressive and she didn't stop, even after I asked her to. That's why I lay down on the ground next to the bed. Her reaction was, that she jumped on me and kicked me with her feet in the back which hurt. Then I said, now our relationship is over. This made her freak out even more and she started to scream very load. So I decided to comfort her and to lay down beside her in the bed. I didn't really want to do it, it was an emergency solution. The next day I told her, what I wrote her before.

Last edited by Imagination; 02-24-2011 at 01:17 AM.
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